An interesting thing occurs when you start talking about your weight with others.
If you flat out admit that you are obese (or a fatass, as I like to call myself), people will try to convince you otherwise. "Oh, phhhh. You're not THAT big." "You just need to lose a few pounds" or my personal favorite "Yeah, but you carry it well. You can hardly tell."
Folks, I can tell. I'm a big boy. I'm pushing 3oo which is about 100 extra pounds. That's ONE THIRD of me that shouldn't be there.
I did Atkins for a while. Managed to go from 318 (no, that's not a mistype) to 278. Now I'm holding at about 290. About 90 pounds shy of where I need to be to, oh I don't know, be healthy.
It's not that I don't care. I care that I'm fat. And my doctor has about exhausted her patience. Mostly because I've been bullshitting her about cutting calories. I mean, I think I have. But not the way I need to. And I really need to exercise. I haven't really found my walking path in the new neighborhood (which is a cop-out).
So. What will motivate me? Not an easy question to answer, but I think I found it.
See, the project-the documentary that I hope to shoot in the Spring involves motorcycles. And there's a strong possibility I will need to ride on (as a passenger). And adding an extra 300lbs. plus gear probably won't make the one driving the bike too happy. Plus I figure on doing a lot of walking (maybe even running/jogging/walking really fast) to get the shots I want for the film. That's going to come off a lot better if I'm not sucking wind from walking up a flight of stairs.
So that's motivation #2 (motivation #1 is not having a friggin' heart attack. I didn't have open heart surgery at 25 only to have a freakin' heart attack at 35). That and I'd like to spend a long happy life with my wife and kids.
What brought this on, you ask? I saw myself in the video for Nash. Dude. I'm fat. I'm the same height (practically) as Nash (maybe a hair taller)...but he's at least 1/2 my size. It was truly an eye opener.
So I'm thinking of a project. My own little reality show. I'm thinking of calling it Lard Ass or FatAss. Or maybe FatFarm. I'd have the obigatory video diaries and all that b.s.
And what would come at the end of it would be a sense of empowerment through the phrase that can have so many negative connotations (that being FatAss).
The "reality show" bit may or may not happen, but the rest of it needs to.
I've been carrying around about 100lbs too much for far too long.
And I'm about sick of it.
And isn't that the first step? Getting so freakin' fed up with something that you have no choice but to change it?
I think it is.
Twelvestep, shmelvestep. I'm just done with being a lardass.
And that's all I have to say about that.
"... I watched the time go right out the window. What it meant to me will eventually be a memory..." M. Shinoda definitely has a ...
It's 5:40 AM on a Wednesday. I have been up for an hour. I have an outline for a work in progress that I intended to work on this mornin...
Greetings from SkaggleRock and the Gallifrey Annex. It's almost Fall. Well, technically it is Fall, but it's almost that magical 3 ...
The house lights are down. The audience an invisible mass gathered with a low jumbled murmuring sit restless, somewhere out there in a cloud...