3.14.2006

Now Hear This

So, apparently some watchdog group in Washington, D.C. is stirring things up by saying that listening to portable music devices at their maximum volume for prolonged periods of time may cause hearing loss.

Umm....

No Duh.

Really?

I think they said the same thing when the very first Sony Walkman was introduced in 1979. They probably just get out the white-out every few years and change the name of the device.

OH...the DISCMAN is going to make people go DEAF!!!!

D'OH...the MiniDiscMan is going to make people go DEAF!!!!

SH-T...the iPOD is going to make people go DEAF!!!!

What?

So...think about it. What a sweet gig. They haven't had to do any real work for 27 years. They just sit around and say that exposure to loud things is going to make you lose your hearing.

I'm guessing their office is right next door to the guys that say staring directly at the sun or other bright luminous objects for long periods of time can cause vision loss.

Do you realize what we've done? We've actually come to the point of paying someone to tell us something that should be common sense.

I mean, seriously--if you don't know that being around loud things for too long of a time can cause you to lose your hearing then you've got bigger problems than trying to score Coldplay tickets on their next North American tour. Just shove cotton in your ears now and start practicing ASL before it's too late.

What's that?

No. You're right. Hearing loss is not a funny thing. And I shouldn't make light of it. Unless you're too stupid to know that being around loud things for too long is BAD FOR YOUR EARS.

Hmmm?

No. I didn't know that. Oh...wait. Yes. I DID know that. Yup. He wrote some of his best stuff with almost complete hearing loss.

Um. No. Not his ear. No, you're thinking of Van Gogh. Yeah. Painter.

And I'm pretty sure he didnt' have an iPod.

At least not one of the ones with the color screen.

Next Week: "Absence of Visual Stimuli Linked to Retinal Apathy"

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