6.10.2013

That Thing From That One Place

We have recently passed the point in time indicated on Doc. Brown's time machine panel in the DeLorean. And I have yet to bump in to any flying, or even hovering cars on my daily commute.

Nor do we have anything close to a jet-pack. Oh sure, I'm sure the military does. But I'm talking about a jet-pack that is on the level of going to the department store and picking up a basic bicycle. There's nothing like that. And dammit, there should be.

I mention these things only in reference to that vague notion of 'the future.' (OK...that and I really do want a jet pack). The future right now is some bulbous entity...it's in flux, if you will (my BTTF reference was not wholly unintended).

I find myself standing at that point in life where my 'universal constants' are actually shifting. That is to say those items that regardless of what was going on in my life, I need only look at those and it became easier to be grounded. These weren't big things. No mind shattering quantum physics lessons. Just little things.

My address (what I considered 'home'....not always the same, but that's a post for another time). Neighbors. "Regular" activities. All little things that served as my 'universe' outside of things like 'work.'

I'm getting to know my new neighbors. Sort of. I'm really bad with names. And at 3 months out, I feel bad in asking. So I have to play that game where you hope it comes up in conversation. I miss my old neighbors.

Not gonna lie. I don't see too many prospects of chilling in front of the fire pit with my new neighbors. And given my ex-wife's proximity to the old neighbors, I don't see me going over there too often where there is the chance of her and I occupying the same event-space. Not that I feel any hostility toward her, I just don't want to be around her any more than I have to. Amicable or not, the relationship has ended. I don't know her any more. Even memories of her feel like a person that doesn't exist. Memories of my life with her feel like watching a TV show with not so great reception. I know the story...and the actors, but it's just getting fuzzy and I don't really feel like watching it any longer.

The address has obviously changed. What's funny is...had I been able to keep the house, I probably still would have been looking for a way to move. Near the end, as I was packing up, I realized that there was less of me in that house than I cared to imagine. Oh sure...my stuff was all over the place, but it wasn't me.I don't know if that makes sense or not. Near the end, packing up, I just had to get out and be done with it. I probably left shit behind that I should have taken, but I was just ready to be done with it. I never felt more like a stranger in my own home than those last 2 weeks. Hell, even the dog acted like he didn't know who the fuck I was.

That's some cold shit right there.

This part of my life I'm in right now...I believe the cave men called it 'transition'...is a weird one.

Things that used to be part of my regular routine (going to Brew-Stirs ever weekend, for example) no longer hold the same appeal. I still like hanging with some of the people there, but I find myself wanting to do so away from that location. It's too mired in the old me. And I'm not that guy anymore.

For all my big talk of taking the laptop (or iPad and keyboard) to Jimmy V's patio and letting the creative juices fly, I have yet to do so. Probably won't happen this weekend, but it will happen. My mind is starting to make the shift. Things in my 'new life' are falling in to place such that I no longer think of it as my 'new life,' but rather 'my life.' This is a pretty huge shift for me. I'm still going to struggle with it a bit, I fear. That is the lot of the philosopher's mind. To ask questions repeatedly...observing what causes the answers to shift.

I think I had a point when I started this post. Probably I didn't. But I may have.

With 20 minutes left in my lunch, I can either force something...try to sound all philosophical and wind up sounding pompous or douchey. OR I can fire up Words with Friends or Ruzzle (or Quizcross) and see what's shaking over there. (Filmdude71 is my user ID if you want to fire up some games).

Peace out,

-AT

No comments:

Showing Some Love

If you are participating in National Novel Writing Month, you should know one thing. You are awesome. Keep that shit up. OK, you should k...