This post will not be nearly as dramatic as the title might lead you to believe.
Sorry about that. Perhaps I should have left that disclaimer alone...let you float through this post and later realize that you didn't get any of what you expected. But that would be a little too much like life, wouldn't it? And what fun would that be?
It's funny, as I write this, I have no idea who will be reading it. I find myself, however, writing certain thoughts with the expectation that certain people will read them. Others I omit for the same reason. Which, really, is kind of bullshit.
I'm not saying I won't keep doing it, mind you. Merely acknowledging that it's a bullshit move on my part. And...meh. Whatevs. It's like those America's Next Top Whatever shows...where they have to make something to impress a pane of people that wouldn't look twice at them in real life. The fatal flaw that contestants have on that show is telling the judges what they didn't do or make. "Well...I was going to make this shimmering blue taffeta 7 layer wedding cake with candy cane surprise, but I was all out of unicorn farts and Josie wouldn't let me borrow any of her fairy dust." Rookie mistake. Now...no matter how fucking awesome your Red Velvet Elvis Blue Suede Cupcakes are, you'll never win the judges over because the reality is never as good as the build up. What's in the hand is almost never as good as what you could have had.
Perception is a powerful drug. It hits everyone differently. Two different people could be standing next to each other in the same room with the same external stimuli, but as soon as they each take a hit on their own private stash of perception...BAM! All bets are off. They will both trip balls on reality...but the reality each one trips on will be completely different.
I'm coming to realize as of late that the 'could haves (could have been, could have done, could have said, could have blah blah)' are poison. If you get caught up in the could haves, then the memory becomes polluted. You forget the beauty of the sunrise.
Example. I walk out of my front door. I see a sunrise cresting through a rainbow. I am dumbfounded by the sheer beauty of the scene in front of me. Nature's perfect beauty on display for me. And I am warmed to the core by the serenity of it all. As I'm driving to work I start the CHSH (could have should haves). I should have taken a picture. I should have gone back in to get my camera while I had the chance instead of wasting all that time staring. If I had only done that, I would be able to preserve that image forever.
Now, in a very short order, my beautiful experience has been completely sidelined by all of the things I should have done to help preserve the memory. And I've lost the lesson.
The lesson of slowing down and being in the moment.
As someone with a photographic and philosophical bent, this is a very hard lesson for me to learn (and I still struggle with it), but I'll break it down and italicize it (if it's not important enough for italics, fugehdaboudit).
Sometimes it is more important to BE in the moment than to CAPTURE the moment.
Trust me, I struggle with this one on a daily basis.
It's not something that comes easily to me. Hell, I don't that many people that it does come that easily to. The constructs of this world make it so difficult to step outside of our own heads that it's funny at times.
Even now it's happening. I'm writing this and trying to feel all philosophical and shit...when all I really want to do is get down on this kosher dill pickle that I brought for lunch.
Damn. That WAS a tasty pickle.
Car explosions are cool on TV. But I bet if I were driving home and some old station wagon went all CHiPs on the side of the road, I'd probably pee myself. Just a little bit. And really, I think that reaction would be somewhat justified. Still....part of me thinks it would be cool as hell.
You know what else is cool?
I'll pause for a second to let you (a)insert your own answer and/or (b)try to second guess what I'll say is cool.....
Shit. I have no idea where I was going with that. I got sidetracked by some pita chips.
So...I have two choices. I can beat myself up over how I should have left both ear buds in and kept right on typing or finish these pita chips. Because I'm a growing boy.
Yeah, let's go with that one.
If you're a Pandora user, create a Smashing Pumpkins station. You'll thank me for it. Especially when "Tonight, Tonight" or "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" comes on. The rest of the tracks remind me of when 'alternative radio' didn't suck balls *.
Alright...I think it's time to post this shit and get back to work. I think I've successfully staved the flow of thoughts that needed to come out for now. I think I'm soon getting to that point where the writing is going to take over and I'll need to write and write. Clear some space out of my head. We're very close to that point.
But today is not that time.
Back to work my peeps. I'd like to thank the 6 or 7 of you for tuning in today.
*I had a whole separate thread that almost stemmed from here about how 'when did sucking balls become a bad thing'? but I decided to let it go. Ironically as I was deleting that train of thought a co-working was talking about their dogs humping everything. I guess certain ideas just need to come out when they need to. OK. On that note, I really am going back to work now.-AT