And I got to thinking....'ya know....I like to do that too.' The scene in Christmas Story where they turn off the lights and just watch the tree kinda gets me every time.
So. Yeah. I stopped on the way home and got a 3ft, pre-lit artificial tree. And now it's set up.
As the snow was falling...the Fireplace was on Netflix....lights off...tree lit.
It felt very calm. Peaceful even.
And for nice little chunk of time tonight I forgot all of the other shit that's been swimming 'round my brain.
This would be one of those nights when I would walk to Brew'Stirs. I'd know it was going to be a dead night. I'd get to hang with my friends behind the bar. And the few tortured souls who braved the elements for a pint. And then when I'd gotten piss blind drunk, I'd stumble home and fall in to bed.
And wake up the next morning...or afternoon. And go on like everything was just peachy keen in the world.
Only it wasn't.
for the last few years, it was just the facade of being OK.
And maybe that's why I fought putting up a tree. Because that was one of those things.
I used to love to put up the tree. To untangle the lights...go through the ornaments...put everything on. I really did like that. And then one year...I have no fucking idea where I was or why I wasn't home. But the wife already had the tree up. And then it became her Christmas tree. And every year after that I got more distant.
The tree still looked nice. It wasn't necessarily decorated the way I would have. But I did my part. I got the decorations down off the shelf in the garage. And when we were done with them and the shit was ready to go back on the shelf. I did that, too.
So...perhaps I have a few hurdles to overcome with the holidays.
Meh. It's all good.
And least, it will be.
Peace out, and stay warm this weekend.