12.15.2014

Holiday Funk

I posted today on that social media (purgatory?) site that I was feeling like the Holiday Funk was coming on.  I got a few 'likes'...and a few more people telling me to fight the funk (in whatever form).

And I get that.

I understand fully that I am blessed. If I were to list everything that I count daily as a blessing, I would be high on the list of people you want to throat punch-trust me.  But that's not the point. The funk doesn't come about because I forget to count my blessings. It's not a George Bailey Moment where I have to be shown what the lives of others would be if I weren't here.

It's not really any of that.

It's the grey days. It's the apartment that at once seems massive and fatally constricting. It is the fact that it has only been one year since the divorce was finalized (and all of the internal bullshit that floats in my head from that).

So...with all of that, there is a funk. A funk of trying to remember that yes, this was the best thing for me at the time I was going through it.

I don't think I'm special in this regard. I think that many people that have spent time with someone for  any length of time be it a marriage or relationship of some sort would feel a sense of loss when that is over.

Please don't confuse this with me missing what I had or any kind of longing. It's not that. It's just that there is now a place that is empty. Whether what was filling it was a good thing or not is irrelevant...the spot is still empty.

And the holidays remind me of this fact. I come home to an empty place. No pets. No kids. No background noise from someone doing something in another room.  It's not bad.  It just takes some getting used to. And sometimes that's rough.

That's the funk.

It's not necessarily depression. It's adjustment.

So yes...I'm doing fine. Some days I feel I've adjusted better than others. It's a process.

And there you have it.

Now that my server upgrades are done, I'm going to bed.

Sweet dreams my friends. And even sweeter realities when you 'wake up' to find the dream world in this realm.

-A.T.

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