12.31.2014

I Resolve Nothing

I'm gonna say this right now. You may like it none too much. And Jack, forgive me, but it bears being said in just this way.

Fuck New Year's Resolutions.

It's taken me quite some time in my relatively short 43 years on this planet (this time around) to figure out one thing: Resolutions Don't Work.

Now...as with most..ok..everything I've written on these virtual 'pages;' your mileage may vary. Resolutions may work for you. I doubt it, but I've been wrong before. And even if they do work, they're a bad idea from where I'm sitting (which at the moment is on a chocolate colored microfiber love seat while Nick Offerman is streaming on Netflix).

Dude. How can they be bad? Making New Year's Resolutions helps people. 

No. It doesn't. As I'm sitting here reflecting on the sometimes glorious, sometimes completely fucked year that was 2014 and looking ahead, I finally figured it out.

New Year's Resolutions are based on Guilt, Frustration, and Regret.  I feel bad that I didn't spend enough time with my friends...or my daughter...so I resolve to change that. I'm frustrated that I put weight back on...so I resolve to change that. Yada yada...the list goes on. You get the idea.

Thing is...those feelings might be completely valid. They're your feelings, who the hell am I to say they're wrong? And if careful reflection and introspection leads you to a place where you want to make positive changes, then cool. But don't...DO NOT make a resolution from it*. The resolution is a pie in the sky answer to all the problems. Because the sinister part of the resolution is almost always unsaid aloud, but it's there.

I resolve to exercise regularly in 2015 because there are days where I feel like a fat fuck.

I resolve to spend more time with my friends in 2015 because I feel like they are silently judging me for being so hermit-like.

Again, as indicated by the '*,' your mind may not work like this. Mine does (lucky me).   So, because of that, I have to avoid resolutions. Resolutions are the silent reminder that no matter how kick ass things were in the year you just finished, there were still things you aren't happy about.

So instead of focusing on the moment...instead of counting your blessings...instead of looking at all the amazing things that are in our lives, we focus on the things we wish we had..the people we wish we were. And that's just a shitty way to start the year.

To be constantly reminded of that each time you share your resolution is almost a certain recipe for failure. And then what happens when you DO inevitably fail is that you feel even worse....because sticking to your resolutions was suppose to solve the actual problems that the resolution was based off of in the first place.

It's a vicious cycle.

One that I will not be participating in.

There are goals. I have plans for 2015. But they are going to require careful though and preparation. Not some careless scribblings on a napkin used to mop up the leftover pork and kraut drippings.

So as you ring in the passing of another day that just so happens to be the first one on the calendar we all finally settled on, I give you this:

Here's to you, my friends.
Here's to the beauty of living in the moment.
Here's to the long game. Not some reality of who you think you are supposed to be segmented in to blocks of 365 days.
Here's to love and laughter and dancing naked in the rain (although you may want to check both the weather, and the local municipal laws before doing that last one.

Be safe and be merry.

Love to all in the upcoming series of 'nows'.


-A.T.

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