So a few years back I got a Toyota Camry. 1996 USA Edition. It's a great car. Had a bunch of upgrades my current car didn't. Including lumbar adjustments in the driver seat.
There was one minor annoyance--the headroom is a little tight. I always assumed it was because of the sun/moon roof. Today as I was heading to work, I decided to adjust the lumbar support...trying to get a little relief for the neck shit I'm going through.
And I found out something amazing. The seat lowers.
Only took 3 1/2 years to figure this out.
The ride in to work this morning was completely different. I felt like I was in a car I actually fit in to. It was amazing.
It's the little things sometimes.
I'm learning to appreciate to the little things. I think that's the one thing this chronic back pain has taught me. Appreciate the moments. The little things.
I know I'm not laughing as much as I was before all of this. I know that the 'I was only joking, Todd' comments are increasing. And it's not that I don't know that. It's not that I don't recognize the humor that I normally enjoy.
It's honestly this stupid neck shit. It adds a thin layer of suck on to everything. Operating at a constant level of pain sucks. In a normal day...if someone felt pain that was on a scale of 2-3 out of 10, it wouldn't be that big of a deal per se. But when that is constant. When it hurts all the time, it makes it different.
I have a few friends that have chronic pain. I stopped comparing my levels of pain to others'. It doesn't matter what their pain is. Only that I now know what it feels like. I know what they feel when they say they always hurt.
So..yeah. It sucks. I'm living with it. I've lived with it for just over a year. I'm done dealing with it. I'm done making excuses for it. I'm done hurting.
I called my surgeon today to find out what it would take. What the next steps are. He's out of the office until Monday. So it would seem that it's on hold. At least until Monday. Then I'll have a game plan.
Then I'll have a way out.
A way through the pain.
That's the hope anyway.
At least until then, I'll be able to ride around with a little more headroom.
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