8.25.2015

Embracing the Insanity

I hate that I wrote the following lines on Facebook first. That they were not squirreled away in a journal somewhere awaiting just the right moment to emerge from the chrysalis. And yet, that is fully the case--so here goes.

IF someone tells you they are a writer--and they actually are, you must know one thing; they are crazy. And they know that they are crazy. To have the need to create entire worlds from nothingness through blood, sweat, and tears is nothing short of madness.  And yet I know no other way.

This was a text that I originally sent to a friend and fellow writer. It summed up to me the conversation we had recently had.

I followed with this line.

It's what we do. Dance with words. And hope that one day others will hear the tune.

And that's true. I don't write because I want to be published, or on the New York Times best seller, or have one of my novels turned in to a Hollywood mega-hit.

Oh sure, those things would be nice. But that's not why I write.

I write because I am a junkie. I am an addict. I am addicted to the power that comes with the ability to create something from nothing. The ability to pull you along for the ride. The ability to influence your thoughts, your conversation long after you finished reading my words.

I'm addicted to those 4 simple words...."...and then what happened?"

I write to stay one step ahead of the addiction. I write to walk beside the demons that I have seen destroy so many other creative types. While I occasionally rage hard with the demons, they too know that they are merely fulfilling a role in my life.

*UPDATE* A LOT of time has passed since I first started this post. And ironically...a thought came to mind as I was going for a drive this past weekend.

There are some days when I cannot tell if I am running away from my demons or I am running straight in to their arms. Either way, there is a choice. Escape or embrace. There is no in-between.

I don't know a person that doesn't have demons. I think the difference is, us creative types know that that's what they are--demons. Things that we must try on a regular basis to exorcise.

I am close to joining a writing group. I don't know what's going to happen or what that is even going to look like, but I have to think that if anything, it will at least show me the tools necessary to take this writing thing from a hobby to something I can share with the more than 30 people who regularly view my posts.

30 doesn't seem like a big readership, I know.  But I am grateful for every single one of you. Because you know that there are actually stories in my head. Not just bullshit. OK-there is plenty of bullshit in my head, too. But I think (or I would like to think) that they reason you have come back again and again is for one reason...to ask...and then what happened?!?

Have a great evening my friends. I'm off to dreamland.

-A.T.

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