3.03.2016

Comfort Food

Things have been...well...funky...lately. I don't mean like George Clinton funky...more like Bruno Mars. Feeling the same as before but somehow a little tinnier...with less soul.

I don't know how to explain it really. I can feel

*4 week pause*

First off...a few of you have checked in/up on me. Thank you, I'm fine.

I must be clear...I really hate the word fine. Most of the time I use the word 'fine' when I want people to know that I'm going through some shit that I'm still trying to process and not really able to talk about it right now, but that when I am ready to talk about it, there will quite likely be a post or 17 about it on this very site. Or one of the other outlets that I use to get the uncomfortable thoughts out of my head.

So, yeah, I'm fine.

I have a couple of different comfort foods. For me a comfort food is something that requires little to no prep...tastes good and caters somewhat to the latent gluttony that floats around my still too rotund but slowly shrinking frame.

My top three are (in no particular order):

  • Macaroni shells (with the liquid cheese pouch)
  • Pizza (and usually some kind of poultry wing)
  • Pot Roast (or something equally mindless) in the slow cooker
  • Sugar cereal (like Frankenberry or one of the other Monster cereals)
You can generally tell how things are going by the number of pizza boxes at any given time. If there aren't that many, things are going pretty well (or I'm out of town for work).

Lately I've been digging in to the comfort foods.  Part of it is winter. That always makes me a little more introspective. I think a lot of it is the fact that I can't just get out and wander around as easily.  

The other thing is...I'm feeling alone more lately. Do I miss either of my wives? No. Thankfully, I'm not wallowing in the 'what-if's...those ended a couple of years ago.  I have moved on from that. 

But there are nights when I'm watching something and I want to share it with someone. A joke on a show. A movie. Someone to snuggle with while I Netflix and chill.

Here's the irony, though--I don't really like dating. I don't necessary like the trappings that go along with a girlfriend.  I know. Sucks, right?   That's part of the disconnect. The need for human contact but the innate sense of being uncomfortable with some of the things that go along with said contact.   The joys of being an introvert.

But Todd, you're not an introvert.

Yeah. I am. It is mentally exhausting for me to be in social situations. When I'm in the moment, I'm usually OK and have a good time. But the hours leading up to the event and the hours after are generally what I would consider unpleasant.  I don't know how to explain it.  I don't even know if I need to explain it.

I guess I just wanted to let everyone know I was ok. I'm alive. I'm busy making a difference at work (and being appreciated for that). And I'm writing when I can (or when the thoughts can no longer be in my head).

So...yeah...I'm fine ;-)

I'm late for a meeting. 

Promise I won't leave you hanging for another 4 weeks and I may actually try to have the post be slightly coherent next time.

Have a great Friday Eve,
-AT

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