7.24.2018

Collision Insurance

"Listen to Tommy with a candle burning and you will see your entire future."

Almost Famous is on right now. My bestie is in the kitchen heating an IKEA cinnamon roll.

"It's all happening"

I'm going to put a cork in the cerebral spew that's about to happen at any second (likely with the next Crown and Coke). But the cork for now is because between sentences I am watching a movie that hits both nerves with me...writing and music. Something about this movie hits me in the feels every time. Even more so after the 6 days on the Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp tour in 2008.  Holy shit. That was almost 10 years ago.

What's up, Columbus? What's up, Internets?

I feel like there is a muscle that I have used...and was getting pretty good and comfortable using it, and then I stopped using it for a while. And now I'm using it again. Or trying to. Try. That's a fucked up word. But the writing. That's thing. And it feels fucking amazing.

No, my johnson is not the muscle I'm talking about. The pen is.

The last four months have been amazing. Amazing is the crazy word I'm choosing.

I have moved. I moved from the iTapt. The zone I was in after the second marriage ended. Then the iTapt evolved into SkaggleRock. I'm sure I had a post about that. Or a blog post. Or at least I thought I did. You should have read it. It sounded great it my mind, I didn't actually post it.

It's happening.

It's all happening.

Did I mention the brainspewing? That's also happening.

And now, on my bucket list (since I can no longer meet Lester Bangs OR Phillip Seymour Hoffman), I have added Party with real people in Topeka, KS to the bucket list.

I have to get this soundtrack on vinyl.

I think that's the underlying current of my life. Like, you...well maybe not necessarily you, but definitely you. You're in my life. And I feel like you're vibing on the soundtrack. Which is cool, because I am too. But I have to tell you this.  And I tell you this in all seriousness.

The soundtrack sounds so much fucking better on vinyl.

It's all happening.

I'm listening to the author of a book read the book to me on Audible. The book is Unfu*k Yourself  by Gary John Bishop. And I'm about halfway through it.  It's kicking me right between the eyes. It's some serious shakabuku shit happening. So, that along with the fact that I'm exhausted from hoisting boxes all weekend is putting me in a place of weirdness. More than normal weirdness for me.

I love this movie.

Sure, Almost Famous,  but also this movie I'm living. I have for many months now felt that I have just been around the corner from some really awesome shit for some time now. Books to be written. Things to be crossed off my bucket list. A life to be lived. How many of us are sitting around waiting for 'life' to happen without realizing that it happens when we stop waiting?

I couldn't have predicted what this piece would look like. It's barely a piece, to be honest. But it's writing. It's words. It's happening.

I find myself starting the words to a new chapter. There are still boxes to be unpacked. Words to be written. A life to be lived.

I have to say it's pretty awesome to be in this chapter.

Word by word.

Hope you'll hang around to read what comes next.

Shit...

I have some writing to do.

-AT

7.01.2018

Crushing Self Minimizing

I had intended to write this post the other day as it was still fresh in my mind. I had some rather well thought out points that I wanted to make, but time, as is oft the case, decided to be short with me and I only got the first part of the post out.

I am currently taking a writing course and there is a raffle prize up for grabs. To be in the running for the prize, I need to write every day.

To be fair, I should be writing every day anyway, but this just caters to the Obliger in me. So, here are. The post that didn't happen is seeing the light of day.

I'm not sure it's a good thing, though. Maybe it is, maybe not. It does tend to fall into the realm of trying to deal with the dreaded Imposter Syndrome that is a constant companion to me and other creative people I know.

And bless your heart, I know you mean well when you tell me that I really need to be proud of what I've accomplished and that I need to embrace the fact that I am a "real writer."  I know you say it from a place of love, but I need to ask. If it were as simple as just telling myself and the world those things and that my mind, the twisted synaptic quagmire that it is, would just believe it and I could go on happily writing, don't you think I would have gone that route already?

I have posted many times in this very space about the self-doubt and the issues I have had with embracing my identity as a writer, both as symptoms of Imposter Syndrome. One thing I haven't really touched on that I've been noticing in myself lately is self-minimizing.

It plays out a little bit like this in my head. If this is something you do, too, feel free to sing along. I'm sure you know the words.

WOW. I am super stoked. I just put up my novella (book, poem, etc). This is an awesome moment for me. It's up there on Amazon. I'm a real-life writer now!!

(Cue Self-Minimizing)

You know, Todd, you probably shouldn't make a big deal about this. I mean they aren't *new* books. Technically they already came out in a box set. And you're kind of nuts if you think that people are going to pay another dollar to get a story they already got just because you threw together a cover for it. 

or

It's *just* a novella. It's not like a real book or anything.

or

Why am I getting excited about this? My friends are putting out *real* books. It's silly of me to think that anyone will want to read these, or share the links, when there are much better things out there. 


Yeah. It's a bit of doubt and self-sabotage.
I get excited that I have *goes over to check KDP* sold 36 copies of both books combined.
(side note: I really am excited. Yesterday that number was 35. Today it's 36).

Does it seem silly? 36 books sold.  Maybe. And if I sit to long and think about it, I won't want to say anything.

I'll convince myself that I would be better served saving the excitement and enthusiasm for when the next book hits. THEN I'll be allowed to get really excited.

And there you have it. Some jacked up inner dialog caught on a loop of somewhere, somehow I don't deserve this joy. That I don't deserve to be this excited over $12.60 in royalties.

But I am.

Have I made any bestseller lists?
Am I able to quit my day job and be a full time writer?
Am I going on a national or international book promotion tour?
Am I guest speaker at any panel (or anything) to do with writing?

No.

Not Yet.

Not Yet.

I add the 'yet' in there because I know I will be. I know that the people that I secretly hope will read and love my books will actually one day do so (and tell me about it).  I know that I will be on a best seller list at some point in my life. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will speak to a group, or even a single person, about my writing and something in that conversation will ignite the spark, set aflame their creative pilot light and their furnace will be up and running, waiting for them to stoke the fires.

I know all of this is going to happen. It's not law of attraction or anything like that. It's just that I've seen it. I just know that it will.

That in itself should be enough to quash the self-minimizing. And yet, it still creeps in. I see it hiding in phrases like "it's no big deal," or "I know it's silly to get excited about this..." or "It's just a ...

The key is to now be on the lookout for it. The more I get an understanding of my patterns of self-sabotage, the more I will be able to fully embrace the me that is here now.

The soon to be bestselling author,
Todd Skaggs

OH...and because I think you'll like these books, you should go over and pick up copies for your Kindle. I'm posting the link to my Amazon Author page because 1--I really like saying "Amazon Author Page" and 2--because you can get both titles there.

amazon.com/author/toddskaggs

And with that, my friends, have a great rest of your evening. I have laundry to put away before hitting the sack.

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