Skip to main content

Spam-A-Lot

It's no secret that I hate SPAM (not the meat by-product, I rather fancy that). No. I hate Internet SPAM. That detritus that eminates from God knows where and finds its way into my in-box. I have changed email addresses more times than I care to count to try to thwart the onslaught, but the bastards keep finding me. Some email programs are better than others at catching the crap. But some stuff still manages to eek through.

My main question to the spammers is..."Does anyone really respond to this??"

I received one today that had the subject line:
"you really think your gonna get a good job without an educational certificate?"

Hmmm. Let me think. Should I click on this or not? First off is the intent. Is it a Job-site, an online degree (or educational certificate) program or some ruse to grow some part of my anatomy by several inches (I could use a longer spleen, I think).

I'm going to have to rule out online degree program straight off. They would have said DEGREE -not "online certificate." And they would have contracted YOU ARE to the generally accepted "YOU'RE" and not the possessive "YOUR" which really doesn't apply at all in the sentence (how can 'MY gonna get a good job' possibly do anything for me?) .

And I'm guessing that an online degree program (or educational certificates, as I've grown fond of calling them) would have started a sentence with some kind of asking word (I forget what those are called just now). Therefore the question could have looked something like this (along with some possible answers):

"HOW you really think your gonna get a good job without an educational certificate?"
Hmm. Lemme think. I think guess I didn't think it through, I better open this email to find out.

"WHEN you really think your gonna get a good job without an educational certificate?"
Ummm. I used to think this in college...when I was blitzed and forgot I had a Saturday class.

"WHO you really think your gonna get a good job without an educational certificate?"
This is a trick question. Any time I hear the words "who", "you", "gonna" in the same question, it doesn't matter what the rest of the question is, my answer is always "Ghostbusters." This has made for some very interesting reviews at work.

"WHY you really think your gonna get a good job without an educational certificate?"
I never thought that, actually. That's why I do, in fact, have an educational certificate (2, if you count my high school diploma).

"WHAT you really think your gonna get a good job without an educational certificate?"
Well, I used to think that (see "WHEN")

"WHERE you really think your gonna get a good job without an educational certificate?"
This is quite possibly the only valid question of the lot. I figure that the answer to this is probably any of the 1000's of "McJobs" there are out there. So, if I know the answer, no need to open the email.

OK. So it's not an online degree program. That leaves spleen enlarger or job hunting services.

Let me just say...I cannot think of any reason to take job advice from someone who (A)can't form a proper question, and (B)has a geocities web address (OK, I peeked).

This leaves only spleen enlargement. And since I kind of slept through Biology, I have no idea what my spleen even does or why I would need it 3 inches larger.

I guess I'll just have to delete this email for now.


Oh SPAM...I barely knew ye.

MMMMM. Speaking of SPAM, I'm getting hungry. Time to go make a sandwich, yo.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marriage Material??

I had a friend call me today, fuming. I consider myself a good listener on most days. Considering that I was out of town on a work trip and doing absolutely nothing in my hotel room, my listening game was on-point.

She recounted the exchange that sent her off. I will spare you some of the more personal details, but the gist was, at one point, the dude-bro she was talking to flat out told her that she wasn’t marriage material.

Torn between wanting to be a supportive friend and being completely gobsmacked, I felt her frustration. No. That’s not quite right. I didn’t feel the same frustration she felt. I’m approaching what some consider middle age. I’m white. I’m primarily interested in women. Oh, and I have a penis. So...no, I can never truly feel the same frustration she was feeling. Or an anger that comes from the same place her anger came from. No matter how in touch I am witn my feminine side (whatever the fuck that actually means).

Instead, the frustration and anger I was feeling w…

Post Con-Fusion

It's 5:40 AM on a Wednesday. I have been up for an hour. I have an outline for a work in progress that I intended to work on this morning. I was in the middle of a chapter that I started at lunch and had every intention of continuing this morning. But, much like me, it seems the characters wanted to sleep in today. They wanted to just hunker under the covers as the rain danced its hypnotic melody on my roof. The swoosh swoosh swoosh of the ceiling fan keeping time with the rest of the nocturnal orchestra.

So, I shifted gears. I am taking  a course on getting more words on the page. Something that I want to do need to do if I am to get all of these books that are floating around in my head out in to the world. It's not so much that I think the whole world will love and adore them, although I certainly hope that is the case. No, it's more the fact that it's getting crowded up there. I need to get these words on the page for my own sanity as much as anything else.

Sanity,…

The Kindness of Strangers

This post is going to be a little bit all over the place. If you know me, you are probably used to that by now. If you don't know me, welcome. My name is Todd. I'll be your slightly insecure author and docent on this tour of randomness we call Todd's Mind.

I am going to get a little real, and probably a little raw here today. I would normally be terrified of that. Of exposing myself to the world at large. But in looking at the stats for this blog in the 22weeks or so since I've left Facebook, the reality, I'm exposing myself to about 10 of you. Less if some of you come back and re-read some of the posts. So...yeah. Here goes.

I can count on 1 finger the number of times including today where I have run out of gas. Not talking about pulling into the gas station on vapors, but actually having the car die and coast to a stop because that life-giving dead dinosaur juice was no longer in the tank.

One time.

Today.

It's my own fault. I don't like to admit when I&#…