First off, A happy St. Patrick's Day to you all. It's the one day a year when we all get to pretend we're full-Irish and that green beer doesn't make us want to vomit.
OK, now that that's out of the way. Let's get down to it.
The Thrift.
It has been a hella long time since the missus and I have had the Dinner/Thrift Run and tonight we felt like we were due. I could sense the ozone-esque smell of comedy gold in the air. And I was not disappointed (I hope you all can say the same after reading on).
Usually the first place we head is the BulkThrift area. This is where all the skanky used bikes from 1983 wind up (with those sponge pad handlebar grips...remember those?). Today we were greeted by a sadder sight.

But that moment passed as soon as I rounded the corner and saw this!


And as long as we're in the vein of boobs, lets head over to the redneck training camp. First up for little Billy Bob is this wonderful item.

I'd like to ask for a moment of silence and let you know that rap, as we knew it, is officially dead. The last gasp was the 36Mafia's win at the Academy Awards...but this is the final nail in the coffin.

And now I'd like to take a moment and address a special segment to all of you World of Warcraft/MMORPG folks out there.
First off....Dungeons and Dragons started all of this. On paper. DECADES ago. And people had to actually interact face to face in order to play the game. It was the only way we got any sunlight (the short trips outside heading to someone else's basement). So don't tell me how great your horde is...I know. OK. I know.
But we also had some fancy games, too.
Observe:

Oh Yes! DarkTower was the isht back in the day,yo (because, really, you can only draw so many dungeons on graph paper and kiss up to that sucky DM for so long before your Jolt filled veins boil). This was from back in the day when MiltonBradley wasn't afraid to make cool games.
And if you got tired of the fantasy life, you could always try to impress your friends (or blow up your siblings' toys) with the dreaded Chemistry Set (cue scary music)!


The last thing to catch my eye as I headed out of the toys was the Radioshack Concertmate Starter Kit. This was basically Radioshack's way of convincing any parent that bought their Casio-OEM'd keyboards that they needed to help jumpstart their child's love of learning to play music. It came with instruction books and easy to read song books, chock full of the hottest hits.

From the toys, I drifted around a bit.
Found a scary statue:

Creepy stuff was proudly on display elsewhere in the store tonight. All I can say is...poor Brian. Your parents never gave you a chance, did they?


OK. It's an electric candle....and the shade spins? Everything about this screams bad idea. There's just no way to harness its powers for good. It must be destroyed.

OK. I have to admit. this next item almost pulled me in. It's an electric popcorn popper AND...(drum roll please)....


OK, all kidding aside. WTF is this??

It's no secret that men geek off tools. And this one was cool:

Speaking of burning fingertips...the missus and I recently had a conversation on which was the best Patrick Swayze movie.
Here's her answer:

And on to the fun part of the thrift....the shirts!!
There's a rule somewhere in the T-Shirt Guide that says "If a 'Property Of...' t-shirt displays a size on the front of the shirt, that size MUST correspond to the actual size of said t-shirt." Apparently the folks at Plush are in violation of code.

The Zodiac Hockey League never really took off...

OH YEAH!! This baby made it home with me. Thunder...Thunder....Thundercats HOOOOOOO!
That's what I'm talkin' bout.

This wasn't my size, or I would have picked it up. It's always good to have collector's items with the original cast when one of them leaves the show. Apparently Chef Hayes decided that the trapped in the closet/scientology episode crossed the line. Right....what-6 years later and THAT's where Issaac Hayes is standing his moral ground??

Another artifact from the past. I remember waking up one morning, expecting my daily dose of Rodeo Today when I was greeted with Pamela Anderson's animated breastesses. Yes, overnight, TNN-formerly The Nashville Network-had become TNN-The first network for Men.

I was surprised to see a tourist shirt that was actually made in the country it was promoting. You really don't see that these days.

This is such a layered geek shirt that it's not even funny. See...Active Directory is what really allowed sysadmins to manage their network domains. So, he's Master of his Domain. Which, if you're a fan of Seinfeld, takes on a whole new meaning.
See what I mean? Geek humor. It's the new pink.

This shirt was only somewhat reassuring.

And this one somehow escaped the White House Gift Shop.

Nancy and I agree, this would have been so much better if it had said "Heaven's Just a Funky Moose," but you can't have everything.

The front of this is an ad for TurkeyHill Dairy farms. I just thought the back was cool. Because...yeah...maybe a giant cow would be cool. Then again, maybe it would be scary as hell.

Kinda just says it all, eh?

And I was trying to think....(a)what kind of son would buy this for his dad....and (b)what kind of dad would wear it proudly?? The answer to both part of the question were the same. And they both live in a trailer and think Kevin Federline is the luckiest sombitch on earth.

As we headed out, I noticed this in the "Showcase" area.
It's a animal skin of some sort.
With a painting on it.
Framed.
for like $35.
Who prices this stuff? And who on earth would buy this?? If you look closely, you'll see the golden horse looking back, as if to say, "Hey, lady...you really could use a pillow for your boobs."

And the last shot of the night goes to the Celebrity Fit Club commemorative clock.

Apparently justice is not only blind but it's a redneck timetelling device that's right at least twice a day.
And with that I leave you. Time for some cocoa puffs, some Friday Night Standup and a nyquil night cap.
2 comments:
thank you for the post i needed the laugh, i think i owned a few of those tows back in the day.
peace
Always glad to provide a laugh. :-)
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