But enough of that.
And so it begins. The day of half-priced thrifty goodness. The parking lot lights shining like the twin suns over Tatooine...almost like they're calling me home.
The first thing I was greeted by was this Saks 5th Ave. Hoodie. Rumor has it all the high society ho's are wearing them. This one was a steal at $2.99. I hear in the actual store they're going for $75. That's real embroidery,yo.
I always look for one thing that sets the tone of the trip...and this, my friends, is it. The Walk Of Shame Wendy Doll. After a hearty night of partying at Tappa Kegga Bru, Wendy can't find any of her clothes and is forced to borrow a t-shirt from the frat-boy she hooked up with. Ahh. Good times, good times.
I can't tell you how much I wanted this as a kid. I got Electronic Talking Stratego intead. (Sigh), the compromises we make growing up in the suburbs.
And pulling the WTF? award early in the trip is this gem. Now, don't get me wrong, I like the 'nog as much as the next fella, but a plush carton? Come on. That's taking it a bit too far.
I can't imagine the dejection of working all day at the factory and then coming home to see this on the bed. On the flipside (literally), are 4 words of hope and encouragement (no...the 4 words are NOT "It happens to everyone.")...they are in fact, THESE words...
I KNEW there had to be a Mrs. Green Giant! Why the hell else would he be so jolly?
This was in the mens section. I hovered a bit to see the various reactions. I don't speak Spanish, but I'm pretty sure I heard one dude saying "Hey esay...I deedont know your seester donated heere" (*Note...if you're keeping scoring, add another tic mark to the list of things I'm going to hell for....number 349:phonetically trying to sound like Speedy Gonzales)
"The Republic has changed my life!" (or was it the Gap?)
Hey Hey Hey...who the hell makes a Fat Albert shirt that's a size Medium??
I swear...I'd be rocking some killer tees if I was a size medium...or not afraid to show my belly in public.
Ahh...fraternity/sorority tees. Practically the only tees that tell the truth anymore.
This was much funnier when I thought it said "Willie Esco +Dung"
Rolex+Kentucky. Two words that really don't belong anywhere in the same sentence.
"But Daddy, why don't you wear the sweatshirt I got you at the craft bazarre?" Because...well, son, it's kind of gay.
Used Auto Parts I can understand. Used Tires?? Not so much.
Love Candles? Look...I think we need to slow things down. I don't know if I'm ready to make that kind of committment just yet. Can't we just stick to flashlights?
OK...What the f*** is Molding Juice?
I bet Nike's just loving this.
The lady that wears this shirt has got to have some serious self-esteem issues. And don't even get me started about Bob.
I'm not a rafter, but I'm guessing that this is something that only looks good on paper.
Why thank you. I think I will. I have no words for this one.
And on the 27th day, God created the dinosaur...and also the generic reference to the ying yang. And I can't be sure, but that might just be a GirlScout cookie or Little Debbie Snack Cake on there, too.
OK....I think I need to set my kids straight on the whole father/kid gift thing...at some point (usually Father's Day), they need to get me a horrifically bad neck tie...or a t-shirt that makes me look like an egotistical freak. Then I politely thank them, wear the items until they forget about them, and move on (presumably to donate the t-shirt to the thrift store where I can see it and wonder why I don't yet have such a shirt). The circle of life continues.
Again, not the best name for a company..or a softball team.
Occasionally, the front of a t-shirt will baffle me so much that I must immediately flip to the back to see what the heck it means. Unfortunately, that didn't do diddly this time.
Oh man, I can't believe this is here. Someone spent a lot of time eating that Miracle Whip jar empty and putting crappy shells in it. Just makes me sad, that's all I'm saying.
OH MY GOD, they killed Kenny!
Careful, the clown will suck out your souls with the golden yarmulkes.
The nearly complete but not nearly worth the price lava lamp.
And this little gem of a cassingle. Heeeeeeeeey Macarena......ayight!
How do ma'am. Where do you keep your children, I've got some creeping out to do.
Um....yeah. This was once framed art. And by art I mean something that Mommy and Daddy had in Junior's room until Junior was old enough to realize how retarded it looked.
(Insert butt/toilet joke here)
Here's a sneaky pic of the store. Look at all those people!
Quite possibly one of the best candies in the world (the cinnamon...not the sour apple) with the strangest name.
It's the Ronco Home Hookah kit....just set it and forget it!
I didn't even know they were still making this crap. I should stock up for Halloween. These just scared me.
I love the fact that they felt like they had to put a date on this doll...to distinguish it from the 100 other dolls they're selling. The navajo outfit (on the clearly caucasian doll) must be hand made or something to make it worth $8.99
Circle of Love? If by love you mean the last living relative donates this family gem to the thriftstore, then yes, it's the circle of love. Mom and Dad must be so proud.
Creamed soup in a box?? Something's not right.