The Last Wednesday Non-T-Shirt Thriftdition

Well since it looks like the Buckeyes are going to wind up trouncing the Penguins, I'll step away from the tube (because I'm such a HUGE football fan) and start on a post for y'all.

As you may or may not remember, the last Wednesday of the month is 1/2 price thrift day at our local thriftstore. And I'm all about the thrift, but I'm even more about the 1/2 priceyness.

And as the title of the post mentions, I went through the entire evening with NO shots of t-shirts (ok, technically that's not ENTIRELY true, but MOSTLY no shots of t-shirts). This is an accomplishment for 2 reasons and if I have to tell you what those 2 reasons are, well then, this isn't going to be a very fun post. So, lets get on with it, shall we?


Now we're talking. Back when plastic toys were still made in America...and things like parking cars was cool. I have to admit...I wanted this.

I had this. It was fun. Until my kicker was drafted by the Cleveland Browns. Bastards.

Slightly more difficult than Perfection....but no less nerve wracking as the timer made its way to the >DING<>

I have just one word for this....Hells Yeah!

Apparently this was their version of the SpiroGraph. Not nearly as cool. Who wants to lug that big faux desk thing everywhere?

hehehe...It's like Dungeons and Dragons. Only there weren't any dragons. And only one dungeon. And no magic spells or bags of holding.

And yes, it IS as lame as you think it is.

Um...what? No. Robots can't have Non-articulating arms. What's the matter with you people??

Heh. If this thing wasn't so damn heavy, I would have bought it.

Because no, I don't think $29.99 is too much to spend on a Stephen Hawkings Halloween Costume. Although, if I was truly in character, I couldn't exactly tell anyone who I was, could I?

Three questions:

  1. What the hell is this?
  2. Why is it in the kids section?
  3. Why on earth does it have BLUE FEET??

I haven't seen a snow speeder this beat up since the summer David Hartman got a box of M-80's from his uncle in California. Somewhere out there, some poor bastard needs this to complete his collection.
I almost got this to go with my Viagra Racecar mouse, but then I remembered, I f**king hate Nascar.
Merchandising hits a new low. And Stan Lee still gets paid. It's a cruel, cruel world.

Easy to fly...that is IF you have the controller!

Jason's lion from Voltron or the White Ranger's Zord? We may never know...

This just seems like a bad idea.
That's right. Dress your baby in camo...and then put them out in the yard to play.
We have a baby. And it has blue eyes. Hey...doesn't the mailman have blue eyes??
If you like sports oriented tiny Coke bottles, have I got a deal for you.
I almost bought this one for $.59 cents, but then I remembered, I f**kin' HATE Nascar!

Hot steam comes out of the Penguin's mouth. The Penguin is cute. The kids what to pet it. Bad move. So...what idiot in marketing decided to make these vaporizer cute?? You want to keep kids from getting their hands burned, you need to make them scary. I have a few Clown sketches that might do the trick, but Penguins?
Mushy, Cooked, Dry AND artficially colored?? Wow, how do you go wrong with THAT combo??
Cherry Flavored Apple Cider? This earns a well deserved WTF??
Careful when you rack your balls. You don't want to get them all scratched up. Otherwise they just sit in a box and never get used. And what fun is that?

Microwavable Ass Warmer. What will they think of next!?

Kickin' it old school, bitches!
Alright. I'm gonna make a little confession here. I had these. I had these exact headphones.
And I had that bike. But I didn't have that shirt. Because that would have just been gay.
Wow. From this to the iPod. I wanted to get these and retro-fit it with an mp3 player. THAT would be cool! But almost FOUR BUCKS??? Forget it.

Not only was Jesus white, according to this placard, he was Ted Nugent (or the guy from .38 Special)

Um. What?

The last part of this famous quote by Socrates, "....and I'm Gay" is usually omitted.

The Nuge likes his pot-holders big. And yellow, apparently.

Um. WTF? The dude looks like he's lighting up and the rabbits already look baked.

Aside from the blatant stereotypes, I just have to ask...when's the last time you played b-ball in a gymnasium that had shit growing up out of the floors? Yeah, me either.

"Bloody the Apathetic Psycho Clown" wasn't as big of a seller as you might think.
Which brings us to the Art Projects Gone Bad portion of the post. Here's the thing...we all had to make this shit in school. With very few exceptions, we all made crap that our parents pretended to like. But...what a crushing blow to the ego to come in to the thrift store one day and find Mommy's precious ...er...candy dish on the shelf. How can you put a price on love??
It was this piece here, simply called 'ashtray' that made Daddy quit smoking.
This is an original George Plimpton piece entitled 'Never Chew with your Mouth Closed'

Somebody had put this in a corner. I put it back in the middle of a shelf. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Dude. That guy looks NOTHING like Homer. Unless they meant Homo Bookends. And then yes, carry on.

God gave you the best he had....and then you wasted it on this piece of crap knick knack. Way to go dumbass.

Try as he might, Don Ho just couldn't make any tiny bubbles with just one string.

A Spike Lee Joint.

Makes no sense to split this in to 2 separate sets. Especially if you split the brands! You can't put the Mita Pros with the Franklins! The weight distribution is all wrong not to mention you've got nubbed with smooth. Idiots!

Grandpa...tell us again what computers were like before Neural Imaging...
I want to get one of these sometime and just hang it up. And anytime someone asks, I'd make up a different story about each picture.

AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! Second only to my hatred and fear of clowns is my hatred and fear for anthropomorphic swine that is dressed as though they are getting ready to Barbeque.
At first I thought this was a jar of gumballs. Until I saw the liquid. Which MUST be formaldahyde. Which can only mean one thing. These are gumballs made from human eyeballs. Clearly a bargain at $2.92.

Part 927 of things that should NEVER under any circumstances be purchased at a thriftstore.

RCA/Victor couldn't understand why album sales of their popular Songs for the Family sales suddenly plummeted.
If I'm lucky, there will be some cool shit on this tape.
If I'm unlucky, it will be a copy of these two albums.
Somewhere a 70's party is crashing and burning and in desparate need of the perfect soundtrack.

Holy crap this baby looks pissed!

No wonder the English hate us.
What the hell kind of loaf of bread do you need the toaster on the left for???

I'm not sure this would look good ANYWHERE. Except in my toilet. That's where I put all my crap anyway.
That dog looks crazy. Make up your own fun comments on the rest. No seriously, please. I don't want to have to put another toilet reference in this post.

Yes, please, Bless our home because clearly we don't know what the f**k we're doing when it comes to decorating. And what kind of home has a fireplace on each end?? And what kind of wood do you burn to get the smoke to come out in little hearts? Crazy stuff, yo.

This is..um...a little crazy. And I was going to take a picture of the lady that wound up buying it, but she would have kicked my ass. Seriously. Have you seen Nell Carter? This lady makes her look small.
Yes. The Cutting Edge of Crap.

Something's very wrong here. A 6ft Leprechaun?? What? Just inflate and Celebrate my ass....if you see a 6 ft leprechaun, you need to get the hell out because you're about to get messed up big time. This ain't no Lucky Charms commercial, boyo!
I'm a case whore. I already have 4 cases for my 40GB iPod. These cases wouldn't fit it. But ohhhh how I wanted to get them. Just incase I got a 30GB iPod someday. Don't even ask me how many cases I have for my Pocket PC!

And after 15 years of employment with Philip-Morris you get your very own engraved ashtray and a lifetime supply of Chesterfields! Smoke up Johnny!

So because for some reason, people think you need to make a GAME out of drinking shots, here's the new one for the 2007 College Football season....you have to take a shot every time a commentator talks about how 'this Buckeye team seems to be recovering nicely after losing 13 starters.' Do that and you won't be sober at the end of ANY game this season. I guarantee it.
And of course, after picking up the shot glass, I HAD to pick up the tumbler. After all, if I'm not drinking my whiskey out of the bottle anymore, then I don't see why I should drink my beer in red-plastic cups anymore.
Admit it. You had one. And you thought it was the coolest freakin' thing ever.

Yeah. Me too. Bummer about that. I've got mine up on the shelf next to my Betamax VCR and Laserdisc player.

And with that, I leave you to whatever craziness you had planned for this Labor Day weekend. And if you say you have to work, I think I may have to kick your ass. Wooop. Hold on a second. I'm on call. Gotta go take this.
Be safe and have fun!

1 comment:

Darrin said...

1) Matchbox Super Garage, yeah, I had this. It wasn't that much fun. It was a pain in the ass to together. You didn't miss anything. The ones that folded up were the bad ass ones and they only made those in the 60s (though I think they may have revived them sometime after 2000).

2) Head Kickers - I seem to remember a 1970s version of this where you put the football in front of the leg and then slammed the dude in the head. That was fun.

3) Superfection. My cousin had this game. It was a bitch. And they didn't have all the pieces.

4) I never had the wall hangers, but I did have the killer Dukes of Hazard set with the bridge that you jumped over.

5) I was thinking spirograph was by Ohio Art, but it wasn't. Spirograph was by Kenner.

6) I wanted that robot. This was the little version of the big one you could win on Starcade I think. Or not. Either way, I wanted this one. And the one on Starcade.

7) Funny that the motorcart was only 29.99. Seems a shame that something useful would be left to rot in the thrift store. I know it says as is... but still. I'm sure someone could have fixed it.

8) That Spiderman Bratz Bumpercar madness thing is f@<#ed up.

9) The cammo baby outfits... we have one. :) Got one from M's nephew. I don't think it fits her though. :(

10) Yeah, those mushy art. colored peas. Scary. You should have picked me up a can. :-p

11) Lava Butts - Best. Invention. Ever.

12) Headphone Radio - The perfect gift if you want your child to get run over by a car coming from behind. Terrible terrible idea. Which I used (well, not the 1970's version, the walkman style) when I did my paperroute for 5 years.

13) No, jeezus was in Lynyrd Skynyrd. Or .38 Special.

14) Um. WTF? The dude looks like he's lighting up and the rabbits already look baked...

And the bears are enjoying an orgy.

15) The basketplayer is most likely NOT in a gym, but on the 'court in da 'hood, yo. Ain't you nevva watch And 1 basketball, biotch?

16) The funny thing with cheap-o ping pong paddles was that the smooth end was nothing more than the nubbed side being glued nubs down.

17) The eyeball gumballs come from North Korea I believe. I think I saw them on Anthony Bordain once. ;)

18) Rawk on with reel to reel. Post if there is anything good on it. Post if there is complete crap on it. Post if there is mediocre anything on it. Don't post if it is blank. Or post to SAY that it is blank but don't include a sound clip. I made this comment 10x more complicated than it needed to be.

19) I bought the ceramic statue with the little boy playing guitar for the girl for M. I looked around the house and couldn't find it. I shall have to confront my wife on giving my 'heart felt present' to the thrift store. ;)

20) The Biltmore Estate has something like 20 - 30 fireplaces. That kind of house has more than 1 fireplace. You asked.

21) The photos that came out of the Disc camera were complete crap. My mom had one. I know.

22) Longest ... thrift ... post ... comment ... yet. :) I just couldn't help myself.

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