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RRFC: Seriously? Get the F*** Out of My HEAD

Why do I obssess? Feck. I wish I knew. I'm just wired that way, I guess. If someone f**ks me over (or that is my perception), I have instant recall of that event, the emotions, etc. If I do the same to someone else, I barely recall it. And some events have left my memory all together (most of my time at OSU is blank right now. I remember almost NONE of my year and a half there. I don't remember going in to the tunnels (and subsequently freaking out because of the dark spirits in them-don't ask)....I vaguely remember having to hold my roommate down to keep from hurting himself (or me)after a bad midterm...I mean...what the shit is up with my brain? Yet ask me about the time I didn't clean up my room fast enough when I was 7 and I can tell you in vivid detail all about the tirade my dad went on. It really bothers me that I can't let the pain go, but can't seem to hang on to the things that really matter.

Case in point, I keep thinking that the Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp is behind me and that I'll be able to file it away in a nice little box somewhere and pull it back when and if I need it (like when work sucks or some shit like that).

And then I keep getting emails from the rockcampfolks about the upcoming London Camp and how every band that was in the On Tour thing has a chance to "win" and go to London for freezipzilchnada. And that's cool. And I'd pretty much come to the conclusion that I was gonna put my vote in (for Phoenix probably, because that was the most fun to me) and leave it at that. Not bug any of y'all to go out and vote because that requires really much more than I want to invest right now.

But they send this frickin' email out today. London Campers will get to go to a dinner/awards festival prior to the camp with Ozzy. And THEN later, they'll be going to QUEEN concert in Wembley Arena. Seriously? Add this to 18hours recording at Abbey Road (of covers AND an original AND we'll be given the source files so we can mix the tracks at home) and a gig at the Cavern Club and it's really about enough for me to need to change my drawers. Again.

But I keep telling myself that I am so clearly NOT their target demographic (meaning I don't just have $15,000 lying around). It's like Fantasy Island (remember that show?). You know each and every one of those motherhuffers that stepped off of that sea plane to shake Mr. Rourke's hand were loaded with more money than sense. And they always wound up getting what they wanted in a fantasy, but old Rourkie would throw some kind of twist in there to make them think ' this really what I wanted?'

And that's what this is like. I know that I'm in trouble with this one. I've already jumped too deep into the waters of thinking that there's a shot I'll be in one of the bands that will win. And that's bad. That's not reality. Not even close to reality. The reality is...there were 15 stops on the tour with anywhere from 4-8 (or more) bands in each city. So that's upwards of around 120 bands. The top three online vote getting bands are then presented to the counselors for the London show...and THEY pick the winning band (now I don't know what THAT is about at all). In short it's a clusterf**k. And to think that I even have a shot is completely unrealistic.

Meanwhile, I've got about a bajillion short film ideas that are nowhere close to getting done...shit in my house that needs done...stuff I gotta step up and do at work...recording/jamming that I want to do with my am I doing stuck in this hole? Seriously. This is getting the point where it's pissing me off. And I'm sure I'm not the only one getting sick of it. N- has already had the 'just let it go' discussion with me and she's right.

She's usually always right.

I'm looking for the weekend now when I can just bury myself in all the other shit that needs to be done around here and get my focus back. Because clearly it's floating around somewhere....damn you all to hell Mr. Rourke.

Oh well. At least I get to wear shorts to work on Friday.
The Buckeyes are good for something at least.


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