Too Many Me's

So, I just posted on Facebook (which I really am probably doing too much (but more on that later)...I just posted the following:

sometimes it feels like there's a few different dudes kickin' around in my noggin'. It gets a little crowded sometimes. And I have to let them out...either through writing...or music or photography...it's getting to the point where it's really friggin' crowded up there again...to the point where sometimes I feel a little....well...crazy. Hehe. And maybe I am....just a little bit.

and sometimes I feel that way. I feel like I'm wired not like other people. Any kind of in-depth discussion for anything over 11 minutes generally confirms that feeling. It's not really a sense of dread as much as it is a sense of 'What the fuck?' As in 'ok..so I'm wired differently for a reason. What the fuck is the reason?'

I don't feel like I'm on a Blues Brothers mission from God (or maybe I am...fuck...seriously...maybe the blog isn't the best place for this mental vivisection)...

Switching gears.

I'm in a weird state today. I pumped gas in my compact car at $4.09/gallon. And then 3 hours later was told that the leader of one of the largest terrorist organizations (second only to the Catholic Church) had been killed in a precision strike by Navy Seals. I'm not going to say his name, because the last thing I really want is the search engines to pick up on my little bloggy blog.

But...we're given the news by a very somber President. And it's great, right? We should be celebrating. The Bastard that orchestrated the attack with the most casualties on American soil was finally dead. WooHoo.


I mean, we should be celebrating, right? Singing 'War is Over (Happy Christmas)' and all that shit.


Yeah.. I don't know, bro.

I mean. He was a human.

Sure...possibly evil incarnate. And I'm certainly not defending his actions.

But celebration of a death.

I just don't know.

See...I was caught up in the 'America-Fuck Yeah!' fervor until about 11:09 this morning. And then it kind of hit me.

What hit you Todd?

Glad you asked.

See...I have long held this....theory...this innate knowledge (that's been with me for quite some time)....that there is no God.

Yeah. You read it right.

And you didn't read it right.

You read 'There is no God' and are sharpening up your pens (or your home row keys) ready to call me a heretic, or even worse, an Atheist.

And I may be. I'm not sure yet. What is it when you think All things are God? (even the Atheists and terrorists?) Cuz whatever THAT's called, I'm probably closer to that.

So...just a glimpse (because there's really more here than a single blog post).

But when I say there is no 'God'....what I really mean is that there is no God separate from you and I. And really, there is no You and I. There is no Us and Them.

We are ALL God. All of us. Every single one of us God.

No, not A god....THE God.

All of us.

WE are God experiencing Its Creation.

(And like I said, there's more to it than this post will allow)...point is....if we are ALL God (every single living entity on this planet (and countless other planets) is God.

God wants to feel what its like to be sorta talented in many areas (but never really excel in any of them) and to be living a life that he knows can be so much more (if I could just remember the fucking key).....so, a piece of God is living out that path. And it's called Andrew Todd Skaggs....just to experience what that's like. Sort of like writing the dictionary...and then wanting to FEEL....to LIVE what every single word in that dictionary means.

Whatever's going on in your life, God wants to experience it.

So...what better way to feel ALL of the ranges of possibilities than for God to just BE those things. So...we're all God. (I'm not here to debate that point....it's really only the setup for the next point).

So...as God....we are to rejoice when something Evil is destroyed? Are we? I mean, that evil thing was also a lifeforce on this earth. And if my hypothesis is correct, was also part of God experiencing itself.

Seriously...the problem with most western religion is that it assumes that there is a force equal to God that's battling God for control of our eternal souls. And in the same breath, we're told that God already won the battle.

Well, of course he did. He set up the pieces on the board. Shit...he IS the board. You ever try to play Stratego with yourself? You know ahead of time where the bombs, canons and flags are. Of course you're going to win.

Its kind of like when I was little I had my GI Joes (second generation,not the 12" action figures with kung fu grip). When I played GI Joes, each character had a different voice and they were true to their form.

But I gave them life.

They didn't do anything that wasn't already in my head. And sure, sometimes Cobra won (because, lets face it, if you had StormShadow, he HAD to kick some ass every now and then...and the twins whos skin changed color in the sun)...but ultimately, GI Joe won....because he was the 'good guy' (even though he was made out of the same stuff as all the others...same material...same mold...somewhere along the way, we decided he was the 'good' guy).

And heaven forbid something happened to my action figures. Like if my mamaw accidentally threw them out (from stepping on them on the front porch step one too many times)...I was sad. Even if that one was the 'bad guy'....I lost one of my 'creations'....one of the actors in my play time was gone.

Get it?

If we're all God experiencing its creation....then we ARE ALL GOD*. So...any time there is death that is unnatural, it should be a time for mourning.

Which leads to the next question.

Is it unnatural?

If we are all God experiencing its creation, then any scenario that happens while we have breath has to a)Be Necessary and b) be known

This isn't going where I thought it would (damn dudes in my head steering things in a different direction again.

I need to cut this short before the guys in white coats show up. I'm not ready for their visit yet. Someday, but not quite yet.

In short, I guess, my point is...celebrating the death of 'the enemy' is a dark road. I've seen what it's done to people who have served in war.

It that fucking Free Will that steps in to screw shit up again.

Alright. I think that's all I can let out for now...my brain is swimming in places I'm not sure it should be just now.

Peace Out.


*-I just use the word 'God' because it's a concept that most can understand (even through the saturation of the western world). In reality I think it's a force much bigger than any of us really can imagine (at least while clinging feverishly to this 'world', that is).-AT

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