Skip to main content

Lard Ass

First off, I'm not even sure that Blogger will let me keep that title. We'll see.

Now....what does it all mean? You clicked here and you're instantly greeted with something that could definitely been seen as derogatory. And it is.

But it's also me. I'm the Lard Ass.'s ok. I've embraced it. For now. But soon...very soon, I'll be letting it go.

Two things are starting up in my life tomorrow (well, today actually). A shift in diet and nutrition. That would be the first thing.

The second thing is...I'm making a movie again. There's a few of you that know why that may be shocking. And it's cool. Don't get too crazy with the Cheez Whiz. This isn't a big-budget Hollywould flick shot on the latest model of Red camera that's out there. No. This is a little video journal. An auto-bio-pic, if you will, shot on my POS Nikon L24 (no, it's not one of those point and shoots that shoots in HD. I'm tellin' ya folks this is lo-fi).

Lo-fi. This is not about flash. This is about being real. Real people don't have make up artists or personal trainers or personal chefs. Real people have $90 cameras and are trying to do the best they can to not screw shit up.

And sometimes real people cuss (yeah. whoops).

Annnnnnnnd sometimes real people get off on a tangent and forget completely where they were going with the whole thing.

OH! Right-o!

So...tomorrow I start a program from Advocare called the 24 Day Challenge. It basically is designed to steer you back to healthy eating choices (and I'll be incorporating exercise back in to the routine starting with Day 11).

And I'm gonna document it, dear readers. For you..for me..for posterity..who the eff knows? I just know that I'm gonna try to get through this thing and get back to some semblance of being in shape.

I weigh over 300 pounds. No, that's not a type...that's a three at the front of that number. It's supposed to be 185..that's my 'IDEAL' weight. But I'm not gonna lie, I would be happy as shit to be at 200.

Hell...I'm not picky. I really just want to be able to go dancing and not be completely winded and begging for death after dancing through Party Rock Anthem (don't laugh, that's my jam, right there!).

The intent is to make this some sort of 'docu-diary' or some shit like that (OH! sorry...I'm back to the movie idea, which really, is an extension of the 24 Day Challenge (because I didn't have enough stress starting this so close to the holidays*). Heh. Yeah.

Well...doesn't look like I can get the first clip uploaded. Guess you'll have to just wait (at least until I figure it out. :-)

Peace out.

Well, I uploaded the video to Facebook (they have a 1GB limit, not a 100MB limit). And here it is:

Enjoy (or this point, this isn't really for you, it's for me...but if it helps you too, then cool).



Popular posts from this blog

Marriage Material??

I had a friend call me today, fuming. I consider myself a good listener on most days. Considering that I was out of town on a work trip and doing absolutely nothing in my hotel room, my listening game was on-point.

She recounted the exchange that sent her off. I will spare you some of the more personal details, but the gist was, at one point, the dude-bro she was talking to flat out told her that she wasn’t marriage material.

Torn between wanting to be a supportive friend and being completely gobsmacked, I felt her frustration. No. That’s not quite right. I didn’t feel the same frustration she felt. I’m approaching what some consider middle age. I’m white. I’m primarily interested in women. Oh, and I have a penis., I can never truly feel the same frustration she was feeling. Or an anger that comes from the same place her anger came from. No matter how in touch I am witn my feminine side (whatever the fuck that actually means).

Instead, the frustration and anger I was feeling w…

Out of Sorts

Not sure what my deal is today. I got up this morning to go for a walk and it was spitting rain, but no biggie. My thriftstore Nikes were kind of hurting my feet, so that didn't help. But it felt good to go for the walk (other than the hurting feet). And it's all going well...and then I get into work and just turn into PMS-Man.  I don't know what my deal is. I just feel bitchy this morning and I'm not sure why. Yeah. That's all I got.

Post Con-Fusion

It's 5:40 AM on a Wednesday. I have been up for an hour. I have an outline for a work in progress that I intended to work on this morning. I was in the middle of a chapter that I started at lunch and had every intention of continuing this morning. But, much like me, it seems the characters wanted to sleep in today. They wanted to just hunker under the covers as the rain danced its hypnotic melody on my roof. The swoosh swoosh swoosh of the ceiling fan keeping time with the rest of the nocturnal orchestra.

So, I shifted gears. I am taking  a course on getting more words on the page. Something that I want to do need to do if I am to get all of these books that are floating around in my head out in to the world. It's not so much that I think the whole world will love and adore them, although I certainly hope that is the case. No, it's more the fact that it's getting crowded up there. I need to get these words on the page for my own sanity as much as anything else.