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Showing posts from January, 2013

That Quiet Voice Inside My Head That Says "F**k Yeah, I Got This!!"

I threw this out on FB after I got home from my workouts. OK...after dinner and a shower after I got home from my workouts:

"The pain is real. The aches are real. The exhaustion is most certainly real. The gallon+ of sweat I'm sure I left on the mats tonight is real.
And I wouldn't have it any other way. Every time there's a challenge... a bit of adversity...a move or form I don't know or don't think I can master I hear the Universe speaking to me.
It's asking me "How badly do you want this?"
My reply is almost always non-verbal. A single nod of determination and I let it fly. The kick...the punch...the break fall...the jump....whatever it is. It is my answer to the Universe. "I want this more than you could ever know."
These bruises...aches....pains are the reminders that I'm on the right path.
No one said this would be easy.
But it will absolutely be worth every drop of blood, sweat and tear."

It was what was going through my head …

Tuesday Morning Tiredness

This has all the potential to turn in to a bitching about my job kinda post.

And...let's be honest, if I had been writing this same post a year ago, it probably would be (in fact, it wouldn't surprise me if I did).

Nah...this is just an "I'm kinda tired" post. Not like "sick of it all" tired, just physically tired.

After being sick for a week or so, I jumped back in to my routine of doing a double workout (kickboxing/Hap Ki Do) last night. It had been 12 days since I'd done said workout.

And it literally kicked my ass. Somehow I dug deep and stuck out the full 2 hours, but I'm not going to lie--I really wanted to pack it in and go home after the kick boxing and just take a pass on the Hap Ki Do. I'm glad I stayed. But damn--I'm tired as shit this morning.

I probably wouldn't be, but I had dialed in to work to finish up some things from the day and I had to get ready for my software installations this morning. Net result...I got to be…

Living the Dream

Some days I wake up and wonder why I'm not living my ideal life right now.
My perfect day would be

Wake upBreakfastShowerSurf the net for a bitDo some writingChill for a bitLunchEdit some photos orSet up/Do PhotoshootWorkoutDinnerSurf the net for a bitChillGo hang with friendsBed And I used to think, "DAMN, I can't WAIT until I can have a day like that."
Then it hit me. I had a day like this.  My "perfect days" are actually Saturday and/or Sunday. It's pretty awesome, actually. So...I really am living the dream. It's a blessing to be able to look on your day and be thankful for all the beauty and love you find in that day. In the form of friendships and unexpected surprises.
It's even more of a blessing to be thankful for those things before the day begins.
I am thankful for all the blessings this day brings.

Bed Time

I should definitely be in bed right now.

I'm helping a friend with their laptop (something I'm trying to do less of, because, honestly...I just don't like spending as much time tinkering around on computers as I used to.) But for some peeps I don't mind.

But 6 of anti-biotics, and I really hope the shit is helping. I don't feel as super cruddy as I did...but I know I'm not up to 100% yet either.

I've got a load of laundry in. The last load. I have to stay up long enough to make sure that the spin cycle is not out of balance, then bed time. Tomorrow evening will be wash the work out clothes, fold the rest of the clothes. Pull out clothes for the thrift shop. In other words, laundry night. Which, I'm good with. Has to happen. I don't mind.

So, with regards to the Fuji camera, I misspoke. It's actually the HS20exr, not the HS25 as I had originally thought. Very similar in scope and spec though. And I'm digging the pix I got with it. …

I Hate Being Sick

I can't tell you how many times in the last week I was seriously ready to pack up my work out gear and head to either kick boxing or Hap Ki Do. Actually, I can. Seven. Seven times.

And each time, a coughing fit from walking one area of the house to another convinced me that (A)I wasn't quite up to it yet, and (B) others taking the class might not appreciate my dedication through sickness plan.

So I refrained. And fuck if I didn't put 4 pounds back on. The 4 pounds I had lost in the last 2 weeks are now back. Granted, some of it may very well be water weight. But some of it is not. Some of it is "I wasn't working out enough" weight.

That shit pisses me off.

So...While I'm probably not back up to 100%, there's no way I'm missing workouts this week. It's the week leading up to the Warrior Competition Sparring Tourney at the Do Jang next Saturday, so I'm not sure if I'll be attending all of the Hap Ki Do sessions (I probably will even thou…

It's About Time

So...with this post I will be 2 posts away from as many blog posts in January of 2013 as I had in ALL of 2011.

Not sure why this is a benchmark for me. Oh way, yes I am. I am focusing on writing this year. And you poor readers are stuck with to be a part of the fruits of those labors.

I'm on day 3 of the anti-biotics. And I fucking hate it. I haven't been kickboxing or at a Hap Ki Do class in over a week and I feel lost. It was such a part of a routine and it kind of scares me how quickly I shifted out of it.

Oh, don't worry. I'm going to go back...Monday for sure...possibly Sunday.  Test run on the treadmill tomorrow morning to make sure that the coughing won't do me in.

Annnnnnd, yeah. Where are we going from here?

OH...I got word of a new short film project that I'm excited about. It's actually for a friend's wedding reception, but we're treating it like an actual short movie. It should be a blast and it w…

Fittingly Circular

So...some of you may or may not know this, but I was a filmmaker at one point in this short life of 41 years.

You may know that, but you might not know that my first short film that I ever saw through from start to finish (that wasn't a family vacation film) was a little piece called "Air Check." This 'film' was shot using a Fuji Finepix A210. The camera was 3.2 MegaPixels (and considerably lower video quality). And it DID shoot video...but without audio. And the video clips were a maximum of 90 seconds each.

I was pretty proud of how the whole thing turned out. I still am, actually. You can check it out here. It's lo-fi...not because I was making some artsy statement, but because I was using what I had available to me at the time.

So, in a strange twist of all roads leading back upon themselves again...I find myself once again in the possession of a Fuji point and shoot camera. Don't read too much in to it, Fuji's have pretty much been my go-to for p…

The Insanity of Time Travel

I've been asked often what would be the first thing I would do if I were given the ability of time travel.

OK. That's actually a lie. I've never been asked that. Like ever. At least not that I remember.

But I have given the answer to this imaginarily oft asked question some serious thought.

And I have to say that the first thing I would do would be...


Well, OK  That's actually not true. The first thing I would do would be to go to the bathroom. Now, that may be because I would be so overcome with the possibilities that I'd be apt to piss myself.  Or it could be that I have to go the bathroom as of the time of this writing and really should have planned better before I sat down to write such a seemingly insightful (or arrogantly empty) post as the one I'm about to pen about why the idea of time travel makes great science fiction, but has no place in the world we live in. Or at least this plane of existence.

So...bathroom break taken care of. Back to the…

Throat Punching Does Not Help

It's been a while since I've wanted to throat punch someone.

And not just any ole throat punch. I'm talking about the one from the Matrix. Where Neo punches Agent Smith and Agent Smith deflects the punch and then Neo extends his closed fist in to a knife hand causing Agent Smith's eyes to bulge and his throat to make that "guunnhhhh" sound.

That kind of throat punch.

Although, to be fair....the person I wanted to do it to would not have been able to block my first punch and would have had a broken nose. It's really a limited application when you think about it. Which is why it does not often cross my mind.

But I thought about it yesterday.

Let me set up the scenario.

On Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays, I work out. I do a one hour session of Hap Ki Do (Korean Martial Arts...and it's no joke) and a 1 hour session of cardio kick-boxing. Also no joke. I typically do these back to back and usually burn about 1800-2100 calories when I do. This effectively double…

Plateaus Suck

I'm back down to 260 as of today. I've been here before. Just once, a month ago, I dipped below 260 for a week or 2. Now with the Holidays recently past, I've come back to this familiar place.

I ran a few reports on (member name filmdude71, you should friend me) just to see where I was at.

1 year ago the weight was at 295. come down from there to 260 was kind of a big feat. Or at the very least, it was progress.

And then I ran a 30, 60, 90, and 180 day report. Hovering in the 260's the whole time.  Which pretty much means that a year ago, I lost about 30lbs in 6 months and have been hovering there ever since.

Which prompted me to question why that would be the case.

Am I doing anything differently? Probably. I would bet I'm getting  a little looser with some of the calories I'm taking back in to my body.

There were also the 2 trips to Baltimore for work in that time period. Travelling and sticking with healthy eating don't always g…


Don't worry dear readers (all 5 of you)...I'm not going to get in the habit of posting my half-naked (or even all the way naked) pics on yon bloggy blogge. I just wanted this one out there as proof of concept.

If you squint just right, you can see the slight shadows where my abs will soon be. I'm not going to lie, I'm excited. I have never had a washboard stomach...I can't even recall having more than a pony keg, let alone a six-pack. But in looking at this pic, it looks like both might be a very real possibility.

The weight loss has slowed a bit. I'm still hovering right around 260...nearly 70lbs down from when I started all this. I know it's a combination of my metabolism sorting in to its rhythm as well as the fat being replaced by muscle. My legs...ripped. My arms...toned. My gut....a work in progress. So, I know the fat to muscle thing IS happening. It just makes it a bit frustrating.

The key, though is simply this. I'm not giving up. I've co…

No More Fat Todd occurs to me that I need to update a few things.

First off, I need to say this. "FatTodd" was never  about a weight or a number on the scale. Fat Todd was a culmination of things in my life that had built up to put a shell of a man around the man that I actually know that I am.

FatTodd was a dick. I'm not going to put it mildly here. Out of shape....morbidly obese...depressed...shitty self-worth.

It's not exaggeration to say that that fucker was trying to kill me. And by kill me I mean that in both the physical and meta-physical sense.

So...when I say #nomorefattodd, know this. I'm saying to Fat Todd, "No More, motherfucker:" No more of your bullshit in my life.

I'm at a good place now. Many things in my life are falling in to place. And it's stupidly awesome. I'm not going to lie. I'm fully loving life right now. But not only am I loving life, I'm loving me.


Not FatTodd...not ThinTodd.


It is me looking at the hel…

I Tried Being Dead Once...It Didn't Take.

Some of you may or may not know this about me, but I've actually been dead. At least once that I know of.

In the summer of 1997, I found out that I had a congenital defect in my heart that was going to basically kill me in 6 months if left untreated. That's some heady news to get at age 25. I had a wife of 4 years and we had a 3 yr. old daughter. I wasn't quite ready to lose my daughter (the wife is a story for another time).

So, that August I had open heart surgery.

I just recently went back and watched a video of the procedure (the internet is a wonderful thing). And I confirmed something that I always kind of knew in the back of my mind but always played off in my joking manner. They stopped my heart to repair it.  Which pretty much means I was on life support for most of the 5 hours that I was on the operating table.

Which, in my mind, means I was pretty much dead.  While not technically dead in the medical sense, they actually killed me (stopped the heart) to fix me.

Same As It Ever Was

As so often is the case, I am starting this post without too much of an idea of where I want to go with it.

For those of you that don't know, the original name of this blog was 'Random Meanderings' (which is why the URL is I named it that because, well, that's what it was. A stream of consciousness spewed forth in this realm of 0's and 1's.  The fun thing is, I write like I talk (and think), so if we never meet (which would be a shame), feel comfortable in the fact that I'd talk, ramble and philosophize pretty much just like this.

Not sure why you'd feel comfort in that fact. Or again, really where I was going with it.

I just want to write. To maintain the habit of writing. Of getting the jumbled mix of thoughts in my head out somewhere. To either make room for new thoughts or to *gasp* actually organize the existing ones in to something somewhat coherent. It's a stretch, I know, but I think I can do it.

The holidays brought…

Timing Is Off...And A Fake Apology

There comes that time when all the thoughts in my head seem to crystallize. The point in time where I know what I need to say. I know what my purpose is. And I see the effect those thoughts would have on the world (or at least the area within it that I have any influence over).

That time is, generally speaking, when my body has sounded the 'alright, that's in, we're done' alarm. And started the shutdown for the evening slumber.

And I can't help but wonder if that's not on purpose.

I have long held the belief that this world that we claim as our own when we are 'awake' is the actual dream. And that wonderful place we go to when we sleep (and dream) is the 'real' universe at large.

And yes...I thought this LONG before I ever saw the Matrix movies.

So...if that's the case then there must be something of a gatekeeper. And I think that when I'm close to those breakthroughs is when my body starts to feel sleepy. The gatekeeper is doing his job…

2012 Was A Kick Ass Year

As the year has officially come to a close, I take the time to dust of ye olde blog. For the 3 of you that still periodically pop in over here, thank you. I'll do better about keeping it up to date. I'm planning on going back to using FB as the the place for quick hits and weight loss updates and the blog for my thoughts.

Speaking of thoughts. I see the familiar trend of people bidding good riddance to the year that just past and vowing that the year a head will be even better than the last.

And this is not that kind of post.

First off, 2012 was an amazing year for me. For a number of reasons, including:

I left a job of 14 years and took a new job that fits me like a pair of fine Italian loafers.I lost 70lbs. I started kick boxing and Hap Ki Do and have put my body through some amazing physical workouts that I never thought I could.I saw my daughter graduate high school.I participated in my 2nd Help Portrait event.I had some amazing photo shoots.I reconnected with some old frien…