Screw You Treadmill

20 minutes.
That's all I lasted tonight.

After that, it was 'Screw You, Treadmill....ya rat bastich.'

Yeah....I tend to talk to all my exercise equipment as a cross between Jimmy Durante and Michael Keaton's character from Johnny Dangerously....sue me. It's much better than my Richard Dawson phase...you're going to have to trust me on that one.

I have always avoided treadmills. And with good reason. I hate to run.
Let me back up. Back when I was a kid...I loved to run. Sometimes. Mostly, because I've been chubby all my life, I hated to run. Even when I WAS in good shape (for a 10 month period between 1989 and 1990), I hated to run.

And treadmills to me were always the spawn of Satan...a.k.a. an exercise device on which you jog or run.

BZZZZT! No thanks. Count me out. Seriously..I f**king hate to run. I don't run unless I'm being chased.

So, tell me again why I accepted this PayITForward of a beast treadmill from a friend?  Because...I was gonna be the bad ass. I jog before Kick Boxing. I read "Born To Run." I was pretty much gung-ho to run.

Only, I hate to run. So..it sat here for 4 weeks...unused. And then something magical happened at Brew-Stirs (which is usually the case)....I met a guy who'd lost 90 lbs in less than a year. He said that one of his main workout components was walking 60 minutes a day. 4 MPH pace....at a 15 degree incline.  On a treadmill. I know!?!?! I was like, "Get the F**k out!" Finally I had hope again.

I got on it for the first time tonight. I set the interval for 'weight loss' and let the treadmill handle the inclines. And I put the speed to 4.0 (Assuming 4 mph)....THAT was way too freakin' fast. So I dialed it back to 3.5 MPH and that was a nice brisk pace.

And I was all set to hit that 60 minutes with a vengeance.

Damned if I didn't hit 20 minutes and stop...(don't worry,  slowed down first).

My shirt was drenched and my legs were Jello.

I'm still not convinced the treadmill was based on a medieval device of torture....but there's an up side---it's gonna kick the shit out of the fat. I can tell you that right now.

Peace Out

No comments:

Where in the What? And Rainbows, too?!

It has been what...wait. That’s not right. Has it really been three months? Three months since I’ve dusted off the keys and put something up...