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Even When I Don't Want To

Some days I don't quite feel like myself. There are days when I feel like the person you see... the person that everyone sees when they see me isn't quite the real me. It's like a role. Or a part in some play. And I'm watching myself play it.

Pain makes things true. I've been in pain for a few weeks now. Physical pain I mean. I've been in pain in my back, neck, shoulder, and arm for a few weeks. And shit hurts. I don't want to hurt any more.

I don't want to take drugs before I go to sleep so I can sleep 4 fitful hours before the pain wakes me up. I don't want that.

And yet...part of me thinks that maybe this is part of my new normal? I don't know. Normally a weekend down on the farm clears my head. This weekend did some of that. But it also prompted more questions.

I don't know that I can put in to words right now quite what's going through my head.

I'm not intentionally trying to be cryptic or mysterious...but...meh. I need to get some sleep if I can.

I'll put pix up tomorrow from the weekend in KY. For now...sleep.


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