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Showing posts from January, 2014

Blip

In one of my books, I'm gonna have a snarky lad of Irish descent.

There will come a time in this book when he has to impart some wisdom...some deep secret of his past. And in that conversation will be the following passage...


"Well of course I've got demons, son. We've all got demons. Every one of us. But I faced mine a long time ago and did what any Irishman worth his salt would do."

"What's that?"

"I got mine drunk, told them they could sleep it off until morning, but they had to feck off before the missus woke up or she'd be good and proper pissed and give them what for."

"That worked?"

"Son, have you met my old lady? You bet your ass it worked."


I'm not sure when that book will be written, but there's a good chance it will be autobiographical in nature.


Oh, and congratulations if you actually found this post of your own accord. I don't always post little pointers on MyFaceSpaceTube to my updates. Sometime…

US Scareways

Some airlines have the whole 'connecting flights' thing down to a science. A well-oiled machine.

Heh. Yeah...no. I can't keep a straight face as I type that.  I started to say that Southwest did it right, until I remembered my sprint across Midway last summer trying make my connection as they announced my name on the PA.

Seriously--that's the worst. That shaming page on the P.A.

It goes a little like this...

"Attention in the terminal. Attention in the terminal. Flight 1234 is paging Andrew Todd Skaggs This is your 10 minute warning. The plane has boarded."

What you hear is

"Hey everybody in the terminal...check it out. Andrew Todd Skaggs is late. Like seriously late. I mean where is this guy?!? We started boarding this plane 20 minutes ago and this dude is nowhere to be found. We've checked Auntie Ann's and even that generic gift shop with the $6 Swedish Fish. Where is this dude? People on the plane want to get the hell out of here....run fat-ass …

Oh For The Love Of....

Well...I'm back in New York. And I have to say, I'm no more of a fan of winter travel than I was the last trip out here 3 weeks ago.

I did learn a couple of important lessons.  If it's important to doing your job, pack it in the bag that stays with you.  There's a little network device that I need to hook up tomorrow (the whole reason I flew in a day early). The backup to that device is in my luggage. THAT device is in my back pack. Which is sitting next to me.

Why is that important you ask? Well...because I'm in New York and my luggage is in North Carolina. I can completely understand the luggage snafu the last time. Last time our bags were check on US Airways. We later changed to American. The bags stayed on US Airways. Despite American's clusterfuck of handling the situation, we got our bags back the next day. I get that.

But this time I changed flights BEFORE my bags were checked. The problem was the "tight connection" as the baggage office lady p…

Tethered

So...funny thing happened to me on the way to work....

I realized that I had left my phone at home.

It was trippy. I swear I went through the phases of grief and loss. Confusion-...'wait...what?..'  Denial...'nah...it's got to be in my bag'.  Anger...'shit! I can't believe I left it at home.'  Sadness...'damn..how will I send goofy 'happy friday' texts?' And finally (after checking Find My iPhone), acceptance--'yup. There is it is on the map. At my house.'

Fuuuuuuuuudge.

Only, much like Ralphie, I didn't say 'fudge.'

I said fuck.

Sometimes I say it because it's quite possibly the perfect word for many situations. But there are comedians who have waxed poetic on that topic in a far more humorous manner than me, so  I'll leave that sidebar alone.

Speaking of sidebar....PetShop Boys are on Pandora....and I have to say...I really love his voice. A line somewhere between slower Frankie Goes to Hollywood meets Yaz m…

The Following

I wonder, as I look at the title of this post, how many hits will be on Google from that Kevin Bacon TV show? If you're here because of that, I'm sorry.

I was actually thinking of the 15 or so people that follow this blog when I wrote the title.

I know I haven't been writing much lately. No, it doesn't mean that I have given up my dreams of being an international best-selling author and/or award-winning screenwriter. It just means that the last few weeks have been a little crazy. On the order of bat-shit crazy, if I'm being honest.

What it really comes down to is making time to make my dreams a priority in my life.  And I'm getting better about that, actually. And this is a very good thing. And I'm wondering how many sentences I can start with 'and' to drive Mrs. Maser crazy. And...yeah--too far.

So I leave for Queens again in two days. This should be my last trip to go out and help get the new store ready to open. Of course it'll be in the mids…

Taking a Piss Out of the Nanobots

Nanotech this....Nanobot that.

Clearly nanotechnology is going to happen. Hollywood has a history of prepping us and desensitizing us to things that eventually become common place in our society. Nanobots are no exception.

So...coupling that with a rare moment of conspiracy theory mania, I came up with a possible trigger for the zombie apocalypse.

It starts in public and corporate bathrooms.

A little known tech company is going to get in to the sanitation business.
They are going to develop urinal mats that are moisture activated. The urine will trigger an electronic odor reduction system. You know it's working because as soon as your piss hits the mat, a red LED triggers...if you can last until it turns green (which is accomplished by a normal urination stream for 30 seconds), then you will know the odor reducing agent has worked. At campus bars it will become a game...a rite of passage.

Only...in my mind, the tech behind this is nano.

So...as your stream hits the pad, you trigge…

Sometimes It's Not Really Up To Me

So...here's the thing with me and my writing.
Not my blogging.
My actual writing.

I don't really sit down and choose what I'm going to write.  For me it happens a bit like this....

At some point I'll get a one-liner or story premise. When this hits, I usually write it in one of the many journals strewn throughout my house. Rarely do I type that. I write it. Pen on paper. The physicality of the act plants that seed in my brain somewhere unknown to my waking self.

Later...when I'm least expecting it...I start to see that seed bloom.

It's kind of like watching a movie.

In fact, it's exactly like that.

I see the story actually unfolding in front of me.

Depending on where and when I am, I will commit certain scenes to memory. Coming back to them later. Editing already occurring in my head before the first word hits the page.

Then, when enough of the story unfolds in my mind, I start writing. Usually typing. I can get in to a zone when I type. Thank you High Scho…

F**king Twilight Zone

So...I'm in NY. 
Finally.
The original flight was scheduled to leave Columbus at 3:57. I had planned on getting there about 2:30. Then it got delayed (early on today) to 4:57. No biggie. I'll still keep my 2:30 tee time because weird things happen with weather.
And they did.  The departure time got moved back to the original time.
It was clear, though, based on the flight to Philly before ours (1:30 departure), that still hadn't left while we were chilling at the gate, that the flight was going to be delayed again.
My travel app showed the connecting flight from Philly to LGA as being right on time.
At one point near the end, our flight was scheduled to get in 7 minutes after the last flight out of Philly left for LGA.
Now keep that piece of info in mind...we'll revisit it later.
We knew we'd miss that flight out of Philly. So we got the airline to switch us to a direct flight. This direct flight was on another airline and was scheduled to leave at 5:20 (just 30 mi…

All Over God's Green Earth

"I'm looking for a pair of insulated or quilted bib overalls. Carharts or something like them."

It seems a simple phrase.  I uttered the phrase on my quest at eight different stores today.

Eight.


Walmart in WestervilleThey had a decent selection about 2 weeks ago. And I even thought I could fit in to the XXL's. Today they had only 3 pairs of full coveralls and a couple of jackets. Nothing in my size.Walmart on Morse Rd1 Carhart Jacket.Walmart on Rt 23 North8 jackets (not my size) and 6 coveralls (very much not my size).  1 set of bib overalls that would have fit me in jr. high.Meijer on Maxtown4 jackets. 1 set of bib overalls of the 'jr. high Todd' size.(Ghetto)Meijer on Cleveland Ave.A few jackets and 1 pair of bib overallsSears at EastonJackets only. They don't even carry the bib overalls. This was news to me since I asked the man in the tool department the very specific question listed above and was directed to the men's department.Cabela'sDon&#…

Solitary Refinement

Some days I wake up and I don't know where I am. I don't recognize this life I'm living. It's like I'm an amnesia patient watching someone else's life in front of me.

Odd way to start the first post of the new year. I suppose I should be putting some list of resolutions or Top Ten thisses or thats of 2013.  Truth is, 2013 tested the very mettle of my being.  I had to let got of perceptions of who I was. Let go of perceptions of 'relationships' that were likely little more than smoke and mirrors at the end. And acknowledge the fact that yes, I can get hurt, and that's OK.

It's OK to take time for me.

I've been in my 'new life' for 10 months now. I'm not used to it yet.  There are times when, in a crowd of people, I feel alone. But that's nothing to do with the new life. I've always had that issue.

I almost didn't go out last night. I had steeled myself up for weeks, that 'new Todd' was going to get out and live…