But I might be getting ahead of myself here. Don't worry. Happens to me all the time.
First off, this post (not the content, but the actual post) is overdue. It's been over a month since I've posted anything.
Here's what's funny about that, to me. And not funny in a humorous way, but funny in a 'huh, I guess I never thought of it that way.' kind of way.
Thing is, when I first started this blog (well any of them, actually), the thought was always that I would write them for me. To clear the cobwebs out. To get my daily exercise of the writing muscle as I was also working on the elusive book that I'm writing. And that might have been how this blog or any of my blogs, started.
Somewhere along the way, I think it became something more of a communication. I'm sitting at the dining room table (yes, apparently I now have an actual honest to god dining room), and I'm writing this to you. A letter to a friend.
At least I hope we're friends. Because if we're not, one of us is wasting the other's time. It's probably me. I get that a lot.
I got a text from a friend. It was straightforward. They told me that they missed reading the blogs. That's when I figured out that they aren't just for me, with you along for the ride. I underestimated how much people enjoy them.
In any event, can I just tell you that February was CRAZY. We're talking Jennifer Jason Leigh Single White Female crazy, mmmkay?
In January, the first day of January as a matter of fact, I found out that I would have the opportunity to move from my apartment in Westerville into my grandparents' home in Worthington. Since then, the exercise of actually leaving my apartment and getting all of my things over here has been a roller coaster of clusterfuckery.
There are probably multiple blog posts lurking just under the surface of my psyche detailing the ups and downs and in-betweens that my mind and body went through with this move. It was a lot more emotional for me than leaving a marriage of 12 years, if that tells you anything of some of the hell that was playing out behind my watering eyes and painted on smile.
But that's not what this one is about.
I'm going to take you out of the moment for a second. I need you do me a favor. I need you to go over and read a post that my friend Jamie wrote. Jamie is a writer. And she's a friend. Nope. Strike that. She's family. And reading this post of hers nearly brought me to tears (and coupled with what happened Thursday night, I was in tears), but here. See this link? I'm going to need you to click on the link and read her post. And then come back here.
Here's the link:
Go ahead, I'll wait.
No, seriously. I'm not continuing until you go read it. It's important.
Did you read it? You did? You know I can see if you click out of my blog post to go read it, right?
OK. Cool. Now I know for sure you read it.
And no, I can't really tell if you did--we're going on the honor system here. But all the same, I'm glad you did. It is important to the state of mind I have been in lately. In general in my life, and in particular with my writing.
Jamie talks about gratitude. And looking at what you have in your life. With the key refrain being that she deserves nice things, and so do you.
That resonated with me.
Deserving nice things. For the longest time I thought that the nice things, the good life, those were things that someone else deserved. I don't know what penance I was paying and why I thought I needed to wear the hair shirt, but that was the role I constantly found myself in.
And then Jamie's post kind of knocked the sleep from my third eye.
Starting with the move in to this house. Then her post. Then seeing Ernest Cline on Thursday night.
It all fucking clicked.
I do deserve nice things. It's ok that things are working out in my favor. It's acceptable to be happy that fortunate events are occurring in my life.
That's where I am. Embracing the change.
And by embrace, I mean accepting it. It's not easy. But it is really the next chapter.
OH! Right. When I started this bit of rambling, I talked about the next chapter.
So, yeah. This is a milestone event in my life. My last move was over 5 years ago and that was after the second divorce. It was bittersweet.
And in the midst of it all, some amazing things happened. One of those things was seeing Ernest Cline, the author of Ready Player One. If you haven't read that book yet, you need to.
You can read that after this post, I'm almost done and I can assure you once you start the book, you'll want to keep reading and then you'll forget all about me and I'll be sad. And then you'll come back a month later and be all 'oh man, Todd, I'm sorry. I was doing life things and stuff, but I'm back now.'
Like me, I'm back now.
And in the coming week or two, you can look for the following things to show up here:
- What's it's like to move into your family history
- A short story about the price of magic
- A piece on the magic of meeting your heroes, even if you didn't know they were
Along with pieces on what it's like to be a writer, living a dual life as a normal, everyday adult.
Because that's what I am.
A writer, I mean. The normal adult bit is up for debate.
Until then my friends, have an awesomesauce weekend!!