1.30.2019

And I Shall Be Filled With An Endless Sense of Wonder

Some days I wake up and I don't recognize my life. I see the things around me and it is as though I have stepped into a dream. A story. A movie that I somehow stepped into. It's odd. It's like I know that it's a movie I wrote the screenplay for. Or at least it's the book that the movie screenplay was adapted from. 

I read about other authors from days gone by. Authors that I have grown up falling headfirst into their worlds. I wonder what they would have done if they had had the benefit of putting their words out into the ether for all to see. 

Sometimes I think it's probably a good thing that we don't have ready access to laudanum in the same way the authors and creatives of the past did. 

It's a weird thing, to be honest. And maybe that's why the 7 of you that still come here, I'm too honest. It's not like it was on Facebook, where everything is all shiny glitter and unicorn farts. No, here is where sometimes the blood actually gets on the keyboard and slips onto the screen. 

Have you ever been in a situation and you've been in it so long that you don't really see it for what it is? You see it for what you think it is, or what you have come to believe it is. I think that I do that. It's got to be some kind of defense mechanism. I did it in both marriages. And if I'm being honest, I've done it in many of my jobs, too. 

I can't go into to too much detail right now, mostly because I don't want to fuck anything up, but suffice it to say, I'm in one of those phases in my life right now where I am looking closely at the details of the background. The things that blended in and became the everyday. Those things. The things that when you really take the time to look are actually the things that make the beauty. 

Yes, I know it's somewhat bloated of me to think that a) anyone really gives two rips and that b)....shit. What was b? I forget. 

I won't lie. There is a part of me that has seen dreams or visions in which I am actually an author of some renown. Of course, the other part of that is, I actually need to get off my ass and get back into the writing of the books, eh?

I'm in the middle of a change in my life. It's a good change. Or at least it has the potential to be. 

Did I mention I sometimes overthink things?

Well, it's true. I do. But I'm putting that to the side for the next week or so (if I can, no promises--it's kind of a horked up noggin).

In other news, the house is actually...well...looking like a house now. All the rooms are actually sorted and usable. It's kind of really good. And I can't really describe how good it feels to have rooms that feel like rooms instead of storage containers. 

It has been an epiphany of sorts. There's more really to go into, but for now, I think I need to dial it back a bit.

I mean, after all I have a book to finish (and another). I also have the recording area to wire up. And...yeah...all this and we're on the eve of a ball-blistering cold day coming on.

Nope, you're totally right. There really wasn't much to this post other than making sure I didn't go to bed without putting some words down. Such as they are. 

2 comments:

Jamie said...

Less than 3.

Todd S. said...

I less than three you too my friend, my fam!

Where in the What? And Rainbows, too?!

It has been what...wait. That’s not right. Has it really been three months? Three months since I’ve dusted off the keys and put something up...